if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Bring me that man meat
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
