Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
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my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
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This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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