And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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