Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Drunk is not a location!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
