Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
