went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
