She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
