If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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