I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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