We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
