the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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