The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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