Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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