dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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