I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
