My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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