so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
