so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
