turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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