my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
