he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
