is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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