everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
