please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
