my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i came on her dog
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
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