Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
