I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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