Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
