I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
