I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
