If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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