I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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