i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
