Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
