He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My ass is underappreciated
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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