I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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