Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
