apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
