My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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