I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
