you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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