you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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