He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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