people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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