I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
