he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
