I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
