Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize