I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
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Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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