do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
