i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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