i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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