Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
