I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
