what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
