oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
