Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
