this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
