I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
