In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
