I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
