I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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