He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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