WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
there is glitter all over my balls
So apparently I’m into choking now
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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