btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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