I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
