Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
