Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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