I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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