wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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