I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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