Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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